So I think my arm looks a little better. But I wimped ut on taking my meds at work, so i calld the doc and they said just take it when I get out today and go every twelve hours from there. I can do that.
Iapos;m goofing off at work because my brain is so scattered I cannot focus. I have all kinds of thoughts going through my head and cannot concentrate on anything.
Jim got my day started off great, as usual. Every time he says something crappy to or about me, I feel all the energy drain out of my body and I just want to sit down and cry. Sometimes I actually do it. I mean, its not like I believe the rotten stuff he says about me is true. Its that I do absolutely nothing to deserve being called these things, accused of these things, and yet, this idiot believes they are all true He is driving me insane, and so is Kate. The only happiness I get in life comes from watching my goofy lil daughter run around. Yesterday she had on overalls and a purple shirt, and her hair was sticking out in a curl on one side, and she was just so adorable, running around at the park. I want to much more for her out of life than I am giving her. I want her to have a happy mother, and I want her to seek HEALTHY relationships when she grows up, and all I am showing her is how to be a doormat and get people to make you feel an inch tall.
I have all these grand plans for taking control of my family, but thats all they are, plans. They do not take me seriously, they will not take me seriously, and I cannot deal with them. At all.
Anyway, I get out in about three hours. So then I go home for a bit, get yelled at by Jim for not being affectionate, called selfish, and other pretty words, then Iapos;ll pick up Dylan and Allyssa, she will probably have some reason she canapos;t pay me the gas money she owes me...then I can go home and be with the people who make me bone tired with misery.
People, I know I suck. I know this is my fault. That is the worst thing about it.
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